Image Courtesy of Kamron Khan Photography
You know the friend who is so wrapped up in her man, does everything with him, constantly talks about him, and regularly ditches her girlfriends for him? Feel free to insert eye-roll here. Now here’s the reality check: you, yes you, Mrs. Happily-And-Newly-Married have probably morphed into that friend. It’s okay. You’re a honeymooner for goodness’ sake! Now before you dial up all your girlfriends to apologize for your misbehavior, here are a few ways to get realistic about your friendships in light of your newly married state.
The bottom line is this: your friendships WILL likely change once you are married. I had to learn this the hard way. Foolishly, I expected for life to go on per usual, despite the fact that I’d vowed to be half of a married union with another person for the rest of my life. Yep, no big deal. Naively, I expected life to continue with its regularly scheduled programming. Boy was I wrong.
Marriage, like the birth of a child or a move to a new city, is a big game-changer. After jumping the broom, your main focus will likely be on building a brand new life with your spouse. For many, this means moving, rearranging finances, and planning for your mutual future. Your life is about to change drastically. It’s key to remember that while your life has drastically changed, your friends’ lives haven’t. It’s near impossible to be on the same page, when you’ve done a complete 360-degree shift, and they have stayed rooted in place.
Despite all of this, there is no need to despair. As in any relationship – marriage and friendship alike – the key to navigating these changes and maintaining your friendships is effective communication. Be realistic with both parties about your priorities, and make both parties a priority. There may be certain places or events that you don’t feel comfortable attending now that you’re married. If your girlfriends are club-hoppers and you and your spouse don’t feel comfortable with you continuing to partake, let your girlfriends know. If you choose to blow your friends off instead of being forthright and honest, it will seem just like that – you’re blowing them off. Honesty is always the best policy.
Conversely, you want to make sure that your cherished friendships are still a priority. Though you probably can’t devote as much time to your friends as you used to, you can still make sure to allot time for them. It’s not a bad idea to have a standing date with some of your friends. For example, the 2nd Saturday of the month can be designated as your girlfriend’s day. Most of your friends will understand that life for you has changed dramatically, and will be able to flow with you. Another great idea is to make friends with other married couples. More than anyone else, these friends will know all about the rigor of trying to maintain friendships while simultaneously building a strong union.
Image Courtesy of Lilada.org.
So what about your friends? What are some of the challenges that you’ve faced in maintaining your friendships since you’ve been married? How did you navigate these challenges? Sound off in the comments below!
Angela Souza is a native Clevelander. She is wife to Omari, and mommy to Noah and Ezra. You can catch more of her work at Love Notes by Jazzymae Photography, a blog where she writes about the ins and outs of all things marriage. She also frequently contributes to For Harriet. Angela is a regular contributor for BlackBride.com.
Follow her on Instagram: @its_angiesouza and Twitter: @therealangelans
Black Bride is the definitively fun and fabulous go-to site for beautiful brides of color.
